I'll tell you that for free

Today, a boy with an enormous capacity for love called my bluff. I made a list of pros and cons. Either the cons continue to bother you, or somehow despite all the cons, you are undeniably, blinding obsessed. I consulted all my confidants. Spot the issue, lay out the law, and apply it to the facts.

In the end, we decided three things:
a) sparkle nail polish is best;
b) a crockpot will solve 80% of your problems; and
c) all girls fit into one of two categories.

xo jess

Full Moon? Full Crazy.

Stay up really, really late. Grab something jean and stick half of it in a bucket of bleach. Go see him. Practice yoga in your backyard. Get photos developed. Make-out in the bed of a pick-up truck. Go for a beer with yourself. Stalk your celebrity crush. Get a stomach ache from eating too much candy. Buy a plane ticket that you cannot afford. Come howl with us. Do what you want!

xo jess

The head or the heart

I've had to make some pretty serious decisions in the past couple of days. Some of them were no-brainers and some of them were less so:


- Keep it, or throw it out?
- Buy that dress, or save my money?
- Reply to that message from the son of my mother's coworker who I have never met, or ignore it?
- Freeze time and get high on the back porch with all my favourite girls, or get my shit together and go grocery shopping?
- Become a long distance girlfriend, or break a boy's heart?


As my mother likes to remind me (bless her heart); I have feelings and so do other people.

Some things are best left for future me to deal with, you know?

xo jess

Insatiable

My dear j-dogy dog of tin can heart does this thing where she reads the entire internet every day. She has a voracious appetite for anything and everything literary. There's that, and she sucks up and retains knowledge like a shop-vac that you never have to empty out. As a result, she knows so many facts about the world/current events. I've been trying to take a page from her book, if you will. So far it has gone pretty well! I'm all up to speed on the whole Prince Harry scandal, I read about learned sexual behavior of drosophila (house flies), and I fell IN LOVE with Bentley the fussy bulldog. 

 

 

xo jess

Dream on

If someone could fill me on what happened to all of August, that would be great. I'm moving to  a new city in just over one week! WTF.

My new apartment is going to look like this, obvs.



 




And my new roommate and I are going to be the best of friends immediately. Sleepover party!!

 









Optimism, right?

xo jess

Make tomorrow perfect

 

xo jess

Other people's pizza is not your pizza

Things that are not really socially acceptable:

- (accidentally) friend-requesting people on facebook that a) you have never met b) you have only stared at in the library and/or c) your friend went on a date with
- not ever using/owning a brush
- mean-mugging everyone "... you are such a pretty girl when you smile"
- deciding that because you love to drizzle hot sauce, white sauce, bbq sauce, AND honey all over your slice of Dunenzies pizza, it probably means that guy over there probably does too
- when a married couple bugs a not-married couple about not being married

http://halifornia.net/post/26508271513

xo jess

Where do I know you from?

Watch out, world. The Vagina Bites are coming on the scene in a big way. This is real MTV shit, or whatever. We have a few kick-ass raps by our one and only j-dogy dog, and lots of hype girls who are really good at dancing around with their arms in the air looking hot. Our record deal is so close I can taste it.

 Chomp, chomp, chomp

xo jess

Best morning ever

I woke up with my cat sleeping on my butt today :)

 Quote of the day: Do it if its fun and stop doing it when its not fun anymore.

xo jess

Hot head

I'm on a pretty serious yoga kick right now. More specifically, I'm OBSESSED with headstands. It's my goal to do one entirely unassisted by the end of summer.
So the other day I was practicing in my backyard without a spotter thinking I was hot shit. Long story short - I dislocated my hip. Leave it to me to injure myself doing one of the most low-impact sports out there. At least it made for some great pity points at work that night as I hobbled around trying to serve my tables...

 

Here's to not being afraid to fall!

ox jess

#rules1-9

Two of my girls, Sashka and Jilli, have recently posted sets of life rules. Obviously, I am going to do the same, because I think they are cool chicas and I do whatever they do. Here they are:

1. Popular things are popular for a reason. Its okay to like them!
2. My mood effects the people and environment around me. Be conscious of this.
3. Its okay to make funny jokes about my poor hygiene, but in practice I should keep myself well-groomed and smelling like a rose.
4. If all your friends hate him, he is probably an asshole.
5. Give genuine compliments regularly and accept them graciously.
6. I can be a bit of both.
7. Don't compare myself to other people.
8. This one I took directly from boycrazy - "before you start questioning your self-worth because a guy isn’t texting or calling you like your ego would like him to… decide if you even like HIM! cuz chances are, you might not even like him anyway." Girl knows whats up!
9. Never underestimate the power of a smiley face in a text message :)

xo jess

Come homework me

I decided to put all my phone photos from this past year onto my computer. This resulted in spending three hours looking through all of them giggling hysterically to myself. Apparently my favourite time to take photos is when I am wasted. Perfect. I would have it no other way. Talk about memory/blackout lane! I'd like to share some of the very best ones.

Whacha doin' baby? I'm hiding!

hahahahahaha

Climbing trees is really hard.

This girl and her sunflowers.

I'm so in love.

:)

 xo jess

I'm going to take you out for milkshakes later

'This is the summer of yes. This is the summer of who the eff cares.' -  tin-can heart

Right?? Girl knows how to say it. If I were to bottle and package my excitement, I could use it to power a small city for eternity.

xo jess

When the stars align

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: this past monday was one of the greatest days of my entire life. Take 5 super sexy babes all with the day off from work (except one but she came afterwards and it was awesome), a little bit (a LOT) of homemade sangria, gorgeous sunshine, one under-the-sea mural, one box FULL of water balloons that took 4 hours to fill, several hours of water-fighting, and one guest appearance of our beloved Nicole who just got back from traveling the world and surprised us all. Presto! Best day of your life.

When was the last time you actually had a water fight??

SHE CAME HOME!!!!!

xo jess

Pictures are easier than words - Part 2

Happy friday afternoon!

xo jess

The face of the brand.

If you are going to wait in a line-up for 3 hours, you may as well make it the best time of your life. Its about the journey, right!? Just make sure you have people willing to go on multiple beer/sangria runs. And make sure you have your Poochie Pouch well stocked. If you don't already have a Poochie Pouch, WHO are you?? Jk you can buy one! For 3 easy payments of $19.99!! For all your alcohol smuggling needs. It looks and feels real!!

Enjoy

Life

Robyn Cameron

xo jess