I'll tell you that for free

Today, a boy with an enormous capacity for love called my bluff. I made a list of pros and cons. Either the cons continue to bother you, or somehow despite all the cons, you are undeniably, blinding obsessed. I consulted all my confidants. Spot the issue, lay out the law, and apply it to the facts.

In the end, we decided three things:
a) sparkle nail polish is best;
b) a crockpot will solve 80% of your problems; and
c) all girls fit into one of two categories.

xo jess

Full Moon? Full Crazy.

Stay up really, really late. Grab something jean and stick half of it in a bucket of bleach. Go see him. Practice yoga in your backyard. Get photos developed. Make-out in the bed of a pick-up truck. Go for a beer with yourself. Stalk your celebrity crush. Get a stomach ache from eating too much candy. Buy a plane ticket that you cannot afford. Come howl with us. Do what you want!

xo jess

The head or the heart

I've had to make some pretty serious decisions in the past couple of days. Some of them were no-brainers and some of them were less so:


- Keep it, or throw it out?
- Buy that dress, or save my money?
- Reply to that message from the son of my mother's coworker who I have never met, or ignore it?
- Freeze time and get high on the back porch with all my favourite girls, or get my shit together and go grocery shopping?
- Become a long distance girlfriend, or break a boy's heart?


As my mother likes to remind me (bless her heart); I have feelings and so do other people.

Some things are best left for future me to deal with, you know?

xo jess

Insatiable

My dear j-dogy dog of tin can heart does this thing where she reads the entire internet every day. She has a voracious appetite for anything and everything literary. There's that, and she sucks up and retains knowledge like a shop-vac that you never have to empty out. As a result, she knows so many facts about the world/current events. I've been trying to take a page from her book, if you will. So far it has gone pretty well! I'm all up to speed on the whole Prince Harry scandal, I read about learned sexual behavior of drosophila (house flies), and I fell IN LOVE with Bentley the fussy bulldog. 

 

 

xo jess

Dream on

If someone could fill me on what happened to all of August, that would be great. I'm moving to  a new city in just over one week! WTF.

My new apartment is going to look like this, obvs.



 




And my new roommate and I are going to be the best of friends immediately. Sleepover party!!

 









Optimism, right?

xo jess

Make tomorrow perfect

 

xo jess

Other people's pizza is not your pizza

Things that are not really socially acceptable:

- (accidentally) friend-requesting people on facebook that a) you have never met b) you have only stared at in the library and/or c) your friend went on a date with
- not ever using/owning a brush
- mean-mugging everyone "... you are such a pretty girl when you smile"
- deciding that because you love to drizzle hot sauce, white sauce, bbq sauce, AND honey all over your slice of Dunenzies pizza, it probably means that guy over there probably does too
- when a married couple bugs a not-married couple about not being married

http://halifornia.net/post/26508271513

xo jess